He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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