areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
