Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize