I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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