It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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