Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
