I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
