If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
