I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got inside last night via doggy door
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
