a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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