you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
