Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize