You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
