He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
