you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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