So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
