He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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