I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
