I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
