I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it hurts more in the daytime
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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