I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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