I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
