Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
