If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
