Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
