Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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