someone get that fucking seahorse.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think your dad took our porno
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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