either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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