i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
