batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
