I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
