I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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