I am puke
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
