Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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