No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
