it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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