He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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