You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
