is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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