i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
