Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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