So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
