shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
