omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
