just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
