Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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