being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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