i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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