I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
