The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
