Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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