This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
