I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
