I could make wine with my vomit
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
