No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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