Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
