I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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