I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
