can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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