apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
