You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well you can't waste a boner
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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