i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
