Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
