U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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