me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
