thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
