Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize