you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
