I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
