It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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