I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize