there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
